bowlinger qua bowlinger

Someone I worked with last spring pointed out a co-worker’s striking resemblance to a certain Star Wars character. At the time it was such a funny comparison that it haunted me where ever I went, including the post office.

Anyway, I was checking on the website for this season’s schedule and cracked up again - he’s at the top. Guess who he reminds me of and you win a prize.

Disclaimer: I don’t have any prizes - sorry.

Wisconsin continues to have trouble policing posthumous public morality. A recent appeals court ruling there answered whether the current sexual assault statute (Wis. Stat. § 940.225) “criminalizes sexual intercourse with a corpse where the defendant was not involved in the individual’s death and the corpse was already buried before the sexual act.” And, the answer is no.

Additional topics addressed in the opinion: whether corpses can give consent (No), whether “unconsciousness” can be read to include death (Also no), and whether human remains can be the “victim” of a crime (somewhat unclear).

The opinion’s a short read, and worth it.

fyi (to those that didn’t already hear) - i tore my ACL a few weeks ago at my family reunion when i landed poorly during a game of volleyball. turns out that i’m going to need ACL arthroscopic reconstruction surgery, which i’m planning on doing in early august. i’ve decided to chronicle the whole experience in a separate blog. the blog isn’t going to be particularly interesting, clever, or funny, rather, it’s just going to be informational about what it’s like to go through this kind of accident: from the injury itself, to surgery, to post-operative physical rehabilitation. feel free to check it out, if you’re so inclined: http://ineedanewknee.blogspot.com/

1. Can opener. This is a real drag when you want to make white bean salad for supper.
2. Toilet. I like having original fixtures in my bathroom, but the water in A2 is so bad that it finally ate the metal hook thingy that attaches the lever to the black rubber thingy.
3. Plant-tending abilities. Two of Pat’s plants died from the inside-out today - not the whole plant, but one stem from each. I am a bit concerned since I am tending to the plants for another month and I’d like to have something besides pots of dirt to return to him.
4. My will. This is maybe more complicated.

Last night I visited my old neighborhood for the first time since I left Chicago. It was weird. Lots of things changed - buildings disappeared (torn down for new development I suppose), a few new bars opened up, and a place selling gifts and handmade soap stood on the corner where I used to wait for the bus.

Some things remained the same, though. The shoe store catering to Ukrainian and Polish residents displays a bizarre stock of footwear ranging from streetwalker-chic to gardening-grandma. A garage (and place where homeless people sell palates at all hours of the day) advertises a “Breaks Job” as one of its signature services. Jukin’ Pizza (slogan: “We’re off the Heezy for the Cheezy”) has yet to open for business. 6-packs of High Life in 16oz cans cost $5. And the clerks at CVS say things like “Geez - that smells like ass!” and “You lock my keys in there, I’ll be using your head for a doorstop!” while customers wait to buy their Friday night booze.

here is what you can do in july in dexter: pick blueberries.

first, finding this blueberry farm is an adventure in itself, involving dirt washboard roads and a grassy parking lot. after you park your car in the grassy parking lot, you will get of your car and be greeted by a porta-john. then, you will see a big tree with two plastic chairs under it. next, over by a shed, you will find a collection of ropes and belts, a scale, buckets, a tin can with a plastic lid on it that says, “make checks payable to dexter blueberry farm”, a price list ($1.35 per pound… but the math is done out for you in increments of pounds), and a sign that says “picking is slow today, we expect there to be more by 7/19. i really wish i had my camera with me, it was totally small-town-middle-of-nowhere style. you know… like on halloween when your neighbor leaves out the bowl of candy and the ‘take ONE’ note. it is grand.

i grabbed a bucket and took off towards the rows of bushes.

there were about 10 rows, i guess and these things are FULL of blueberries. i’m telling you… amazing amounts of blueberries. don’t believe me? check out this photo: blueberry bush

ok, now imagine all those bunches of blueberries are still green, and each bush has maybe 5-10 ripe berries on it. i noticed that there was a trend where the bushes under the high voltage wires had more ripe berries on them than the other bushes did. i have two theories about this:

1. these bushes were at the back of the rows and further away from the parking lot, thus being less picked-over.
2. these bushes are freaks of nature due to the magnetic field created by the high voltage.

after i had filled my bucket about 1/4 of the way full, i headed back to the shed to go weigh my bounty. just shy of two pounds! i owed $2.70 the price list helpfully spelled out for me.

i pulled three bucks out of my pocket, dropped it in the can to join the $8-odd bucks already in there, and grabbed a quarter in change.

now i have to figure out what the fuck to do with all these blueberries.

that one on the far right, it’s a monster. it’s nearly as wide around as a quarter. oh, and they’re really delicious.

While conducting research on trademark law for a project at work, I came upon a case that discussed “Kiss Proof” cosmetic products. I laughed out loud when the majority remarked, “We assume that ‘Kiss Proof’ means that a kiss will not disturb a woman’s lipstick, not that she will not be kissed.” Cosmetically Sealed Indus. Inc. v. Chesebrough-Pond’s USA Co., 43 U.S.P.Q.2d 1956, 1958 n.2 (2d Cir. 1997).

I should be working on my memo, but while reading this complaint, I came across a line that actually made me laugh out-loud. Unfortunately I can’t put the whole complaint for everyone to see, but…

62. In response to her complaint, Mr. M_____ denied the entire incident as Ms. B_____ complained but admitted the erection and was placed on a 2-day unpaid leave.

Sorry for another law related post, but I think I have determined where I am bidding. Military law sounds awesome, and it would give me an excuse to get back to NoDak for some delicious elk meat.

1. I love how the new version of Firefox spell checks for you. This is quite nearly my dream come true.
2. RDA = Reference Desk Assistant = higher hourly wage for surfing the internet than for the “important, real world” work I do during the day.
3. Why don’t summer starters realize that I will not under any circumstances do their citations for them? Also, if you are doing a legal practice assignment, you might want to bring your bluebook. Just saying.
4. Do people really think it is appropriate to talk on their cell phones in a library? I told three people to turn the damn thing off in the span of two hours.
5. Also, no freaking kids allowed in the library! And I don’t know if there is a professor here that specializes in Mexican law and I don’t know how to find out - I am trying to determine where I am going to live two years from now, so go away!
6. Right now, the building services crew is taking down the Reading Room’s chandeliers - some sort of annual maintenance. I wish I could watch, but I am stuck behind a desk answering questions for idiots.
7. I utilized Firefox’s spell checker twice in that last sentence.
8. Seriously, the next person that comes in here with a child or a cell phone is going to get the stink eye from yours truly.
9. Summer in A2 has turned me into some sort of raving mad harpy. But if this is true, I am well on my way to becoming a true townie.

Apologies for the law school-laden post. I spend ten to twelve hours here on Mondays between the two jobs. Sometimes it messes with my brain.