bowlinger qua bowlinger

1. Where to take that pesky exam in July. This is a level of commitment that I’m just not ready for.

2. Where to go for an awesome trip after taking that pesky exam. This is much more fun and is entirely based on the idea that wealthier relatives might contribute to the funding (it worked for grad school). I’ve been thinking the Trans-Siberian railway, and then taking a passenger/cargo ferry from Vladivostok to Japan. Or taking the railway on its Trans-Mongolian route, from Moscow to Beijing.

3. Not watching The Office after this season is over. I’m really really annoyed about a lot of plot and character developments. Anyway, this seems minor, but I’m very engaged in American television.

4. How I can’t wait to eat at Chick-fil-A. I sometimes cry myself to sleep over this.

I think it’s all the driving up Hwy 23 I’ve been doing lately, but I really have a craving for chicken.

Anyone want to take a road trip this weekend? If so, any preferences? I vote for the “chicken plus one meat” combination, but would be willing to consider the “Family-Style Ultimate Bavarian Combination” for just $2 more.

I think this guy’s story would have been more convincing if he was found in a city or country where the helpful creatures reside in large numbers. Not that Cincinnati isn’t known for being full of magical creatures.  I just thought it was more famous for its chili.

this is one way to get to the other side of the river in shanghai.

click the photo and you can experience the trip for yourself.
(it is a large movie and worth the wait for the download. sound is recommended)

I figured I would share a few thoughts on my recent trip to Europe. I am not sure how to best organize this post other than mention some of the things that were interesting to me or that I would recommend.

 In Germany, they have this thing called a Floss (it actually has the funny German S symbol that looks like an F but it’s said like floss). For about 130 euros you get passage on a wood raft made out of logs down the Isar River. The whole thing takes about 4-5 hours and you are supplied with several kegs of beer, some bottled beer, and a band. The bands range in style from traditional leiderhosen fare to a Ramones cover band. How awesome is that? Riding down the river with unlimited beer, no life jackets, and a German Ramones cover band. Why they can’t do this in America is beyond me.

The trains in Germany are known to be among the best in the world. However, the real fun was on the Czech train from the border of Germany to Prague. For 50 euros for two people (so 25 each) you can get from Munich to Prague and can ride the Czech train, complete with shirtless guys walking from car to car and making announcements that you can’t understand. Also, the six person family with the pet mouse in a glass cage that they held in their lap was priceless. I loved imagining the great mouse escape on the train. The official train ticket checker also lied to passengers on the train and told them there were no bathrooms (there totally were) and that they should get off at the next stop because the train would stop for over 10 minutes. The train left in less than 5 minutes so I can’t figure out whether he just wanted to get rid of people or not.

Prague was wonderful however, and I will definitey go back to see more of it in the future.

Munich’s big six breweries rankings: After several stops and samples of all the Big Six, my rankings are Paulaner, Augustiner, Hacker-Pschorr, Lowenbrau, Spaten, and Hofbrau. The Paulaner is always just incredibly smooth and golden. The Augustiner is very similar with a bit of a bite at the end. H-P was a surprise with a fuller, more wheaty flavor. Lowenbrau I think is a fine beer, but not as good as the first three, less character. Spaten is an even wheatier version of H-P. And Hofbrau is just my least favorite.

Although I do not have a sacher or linzer torte to report on, I did have large quantities of schnitzel (pork breaded and fried in butter, who doesn’t love that) and leberkase (hot meatloaf type ham product - sounds gross but is totally delicious with mustard on a roll) and roasted chicken and sauerbraten.

Last night I visited my old neighborhood for the first time since I left Chicago. It was weird. Lots of things changed - buildings disappeared (torn down for new development I suppose), a few new bars opened up, and a place selling gifts and handmade soap stood on the corner where I used to wait for the bus.

Some things remained the same, though. The shoe store catering to Ukrainian and Polish residents displays a bizarre stock of footwear ranging from streetwalker-chic to gardening-grandma. A garage (and place where homeless people sell palates at all hours of the day) advertises a “Breaks Job” as one of its signature services. Jukin’ Pizza (slogan: “We’re off the Heezy for the Cheezy”) has yet to open for business. 6-packs of High Life in 16oz cans cost $5. And the clerks at CVS say things like “Geez - that smells like ass!” and “You lock my keys in there, I’ll be using your head for a doorstop!” while customers wait to buy their Friday night booze.

…the area code is 701.

Dear Mr. SUV Driver Who Honked At Me and Nearly Made Me Fall Off My Bike:

 I have a few things to apologize for.

 1. When you honked at me, I yelled, “What the fuck?!?” and gave you the finger as you roared past me. I actually meant to yell, “Hello to you too!” and give you a friendly wave.

2. When I caught up with you at the light, I rapped on your window and asked, “What the hell is your problem?” I actually meant to ask, “How’s your day going?”

3. When you responded with “Get that fucking thing off the road!” I called you an asshole. I meant to say, “Did I drop something? Was that why you were honking?”

4. When you suggested that I don’t pay gasoline taxes, and therefore don’t deserve to use public streets, I responded that yes, I do pay taxes. This was a lame response and I apologize. What I meant to say was that while I’m only visiting your state for the summer, I’m happy to pay all applicable local taxes on my wages and purchases. It’s unlikely that I’d want to move here with my car, though, because the drivers all seem to be big assholes.

5. I may have also suggested that while part of the cost of your gasoline does fund road construction and maintenance, an additional part ends up in the pockets of Islamic fundamentalists who use it to blow up American soldiers and citizens. This might have been over the line for polite conversation at a stoplight. I really feel bad about this, because it makes me seem like a crazed eco-hippie-peacenik, and I try really hard not to be one. I eat red meat, sir. What I should have said was, “I have additional, political, reasons for not making short, in-town trips in a car if I can help it. I’d be happy to discuss them with you over a beer.”

I feel like our interaction was somewhat less than ideal, and while I think there’s some responsibility for this on both sides, I would like to be the first to apologize.

 I’ve also joined the Bicycle Alliance of Washington. They’re much better than I am at expressing how I feel, in a friendly way.

I was home for about a week not so long ago. I really wished I had a camera so I could do a visual posting about Minot, ND. But I don’t have a camera so I am just going to describe a few of my favorite sights from home.

1. The “ELK MEAT” sign:

In my opinion, this sign is the most amusing thing in Minot. It’s a big and blue with a majestic-looking elk head on it. Below is the phone number you call to get the meat. This is really as straightforward and simple as a sign could be. The weird thing is its location. You’d expect such a sign on the edge of town, but this one is right across the street from the high school in a used car lot. The only building on the lot is seemingly for the car dealership, but the “ELK MEAT” sign indicates that perhaps the structure has multiple purposes. I guess it’s more likely that someone at the dealership runs a meat processing business on the side and uses the space for advertising, but I’ve never called the number so I’ll likely never know. I don’t really want to know either - the enigma only adds to the sign’s charm. My brother has a picture of this somewhere; I’ve asked him to send it to me so readers can experience the “ELK MEAT” sign in its full glory.

2. Anything to do with trains

Minot is a railroad town so there are trains going through at all hours of the day. My favorite thing about the trains is the accompanying infrastructure like viaducts, old wooden pedestrian walkways over the tracks, and a huge trestle bridge just outside of town (sorry, this was the only picture I could find of it - you’ll have to use your imagination to remove the guy in front). The trains are sometimes covered with nice graffiti, too. During this trip, I saw a train where every single box car was tagged; at one point there was a mural that stretched between two adjacent cars.

3. The Scandinavian Heritage Center

I can’t remember when the town started really developing this park. Once upon a time there was just a small A-frame hut that served as Minot’s tourist information center; now the place is landscaped and loaded with attractions. The park includes a replica of a Norwegian Gol Stave church, a big Swedish Horse, and statues of famous people. The Hans Christian Andersen statue is my favorite. I wonder if the powers that be realized they included a gay vegetarian in their park.

4. Various signs saying “GUNS” with an arrow

There is a really nice one by my parents’ new place - huge red letters and an arrow pointing right to the store’s door. No misleading advertising there.

So I visited San Francisco recently. As recently as last week. I had some fun there. Let me tell you about one place that I went that I found to be awesome.

There’s a speakeasy there called Bourbon and Branch. It has all this potential. It could have been totally stupid, but also totally awesome. It turned out to be awesome. You have to go to the website and make a reservation for this bar. You then get the password, which you use when you show up at the door and ring the buzzer. Then, you are led though this amazingly dark space to your tiny table and given your enormous cocktail menu. This is the most adult thing you’ve ever done: you may someday feel older, but you will never feel more mature.

Anyway, everything there is not totally lame, it is totally awesome, especially the drinks. Take your significant other there and impress them by knowing the password to get in. Then get them totally plastered.

Order the cucumber gin gimlet. That’s also awesome.